Aubade for the Suicide Mind [poem] by Emari DiGiorgio

The day my husband’s young client kills
herself, he slumps at the sink, coat on, listing

the boys of his youth who cut their high-wire
lives short. The heart stops cold turkey.

Does it get old, this suffering? Once I was young.
I stood at apartment mirror: the flat yellow light.

All blemish, even on the inside. Who’d miss this?
But the risk of botching it, the quick thought

of it not being done, snuffed whatever fire I had.
I dressed and walked across campus, acting out

the role of the good student, taking notes,
unsure if I was glad to not be dead.

 

Image of 1930s Switchboard Operator

Image by Paul Keller

Emari DiGiorgio is a recipient of two Vermont Studio Center Residencies, a Sundress Academy of the Arts Residency, a Rivendell Artist Colony Percy Writers Fellowship, and a New Jersey State Council on the Arts Poetry Fellowship. Her first book The Things a Body Might Become is forthcoming from ELJ Publications in July 2017. She teaches writing at Stockton University and is a visiting Poet-in-the-Schools through the New Jersey State Council on the Arts and the Dodge Foundation.